6/2000
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Bhandara '99 UNDER BY ANNAPURNA |
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| It
is my first time at Bhandara. I am excited and curious, and have so much
to learn. For days devotees have prepared for the honoring of Maharaj-ji's
Mahasamadhi. The ashram is scrubbed clean and the temple room is beautiful
beyond words. Rainbows of flowers adorn Maharaj-ji and Hanuman. I am moved
to see how devotion is given form through seva. Chaleesas, which begin far
before sunrise, give way to the Ramlila, which is followed by the feast.
Even I have been invited to play a part in the Ramlila and am happy to be
included. But all my heart really longs to do is to curl up under the blanket
on the tucket. This yearning has a physicality to it. I look at photographs
of devotees touching Mahraj-ji's feet and I feel how small and light my
own hands are. If only I could touch everyone as if they were Maharaj-ji.
Love Everyone. Maybe He was saying, "Love Everyone as You Love Me."
My mind keeps grasping at the painful idea that Maharaj-ji has left his
body. I yearn to be near Him. Why and how could He do that? Doesn't He know
how attached I am to the physical form of . . . everything? But in the temple
room the whole world becomes Maharaj-ji's blanket. Every thought and sensation
is transformed into a crystal clear sound - God's Love. We are given prasad
and I think: "Feed Everyone." Maybe he was saying, "Let your
Love become Prasad for each other." Too soon it is night. The sweet melody of the Chaleesa echoes through the sunroom even though Bhandara has ended. I keep returning to a favorite photograph of Maharaj-ji to see what might be revealed there. I catch the reflection of my own face in the glass and come to realize that Bhandara, the satsang, perhaps even Maharaj-ji Himself, are mirrors for what life means us to learn. I pray that the time will come when the mirror of my heart is as clear and transparent as a piece of pure glass. |
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